Don't Know

My joy is "toxic.".

My excitement is "bragging."

My grief is "crocodile tears."

My pain is "exaggerated."

My friendliness is "manipulation."

You confer on my actions the worst possible motivations.

You humiliate me.

You demean me.

You dismiss my feelings.

I am never safe with you.

I am wary.

I cringe.

It's been like this for forty years.

I could tolerate your nastiness so long as we were working together.

Once you quit, I could no longer endure.

I will no longer accept your viciousness.

You won't see it.

You deny it.

You cover your ears.

My reality holds no meaning to you.

You cast me as the cause of your problems.

I want to be the solution.

You view me the impediment to your success.

I want to be the means.

I don't know how to solve this puzzle.

I don't know.

Do you?

Does anyone?

I see the beauty.

I create a life of beauty.

I breathe with the plants.

My heart — which feels like it is being ripped from my body —

beats as one with the heartbeat of the earth.

I am surrounded by green blessings.

I find gratitude

I allow joy